Coming from a parent.
I love our kids, although some time I am tempted to put them up for adoption.
I seldom allow our kids to go to the public toilet alone. Even for our twins sons. I don’t.
I noticed elderly love to touch our twins, I especially pay attention when it is the male elderly. They love to touch them and groped their bodies. I generally will stop the elderly from going on politely, by pulling our twins back. Later we will talk to the twins about possible sexual harassment which they may had encountered.
As parents, we need to be honest and transparent about everything, including the sexual harassment. They need to know the limits, how far is appropriate and what is not.
We entered into an restaurant, one of the servers love to touch and hug our daughter. I again, will stop that from ever taking place.
Recently I was at a hospital to refill my mother’s prescription. While waiting for her prescription I was seated behind an elderly male. He was reading stories on his phone (in Chinese). I could read the content, as he has a large Android smartphone. The story was about young girl giving oral sex to an elderly. The story began with how she adores this elderly male, and wanted to make him happy. She later asked him to ‘rape’ her, like a play. Ok, I know we should be allowed to have our own fantasies. I was a teen before, I had lots of sex fantasies. Recently we were in Japan, we brought the twins to visit the outlets which sell adult stories with lots of pictures. We used that as a platform to educate them. There is nothing to be ashamed of, we just need to be honest. I am not sure about the rape cases in Japan, I am sure there is, we need to watch guide ourselves not to turn fantasies into realities.
Sexual harassment do not happen to only female.
During my secondary years. I remember one of our teachers was transferred out of our school after less than a year in the school. He was a good teacher who taught us well in terms of presentation in BM, how to face the crowd etc. We kind of liked him. Later we learn from our classmates that he has been sexually abusing some of our male classmates. He has certain taste on the boys, shorter than him and look dark or brown. We later saw him on TV, not for crime but as a presenter.
Hard, I know. But we can.
I think often many parents will think it is perfectly normal for someone to be affectionate with your kids. I do think we need to set some boundaries.
Boundaries for safe kid zone.
So how to do that?
- Set an invisible lines around the kids. Invisible because only you can see it. Should some one entered into that zone, you need to pay close attention, or stop the person from moving further.
- Speak politely, in terms of tone to the person. It is ok to be transparent and direct to the point should the person crossed the line intentionally or unintentionally. We should cut some slack for the person.
- It’s easy to accuse, but hard to prove. So unless you have hard evidence that your kids have been inappropriately harassed, do not make a scene. It is important not to embarrass your kids.
- Know who your kids are dealing with, especially adults. The list could be kind of easy to identify. Teachers, trainers, coaches, tutors etc. Who you generally feeling ok to leave your kids with them.
- Teach the kids, what is appropriate. I remember reading the child rape such as high profile Roman Polanski, the victim said she was not sure how to respond to him when he asked her to remove her clothes. So kids need to know why to remove the clothes, what kind of risk she is exposing herself to.
- Little secret, not to be told. Honestly, so long the kids are under your care, there should be no secret, but privacy. I do take effort to get to know everything our kids are doing, who they are talking to, hanging out etc. I am not being busy body, but just need to know. I have read rape victims told by the rapists that these ‘sessions’ should remained little secret between them, not to tell anyone.
- Introduce body to your kids. Like your penis, vagina, brain, head, arms etc. Do not leave this important lesson to the school, teacher or someone else. When you are telling them the body parts, you can explain why some parts you do not want anyone to touch. Need to set lines so they do not cross.
- Let them know consequences. How to face the incidents should that happened. What not to do. I have read that some rape victims chose to end their lives, some had really bad adulthood as suffering from the child rape. Let’s be honest. It is not easy to face the world after what has happened. Help them to get through the tough times. Let them recover. Give them space and time.
Above are just some pointers which I gathered myself, based on what I think would be best. Share with me, what you think.